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Sunday, 17 February 2013

When theres something on your mind

Why is it when there's something so important on your mind and you really want to express it but fear of the affect its going to have could so easily change your life as you know it you don't want to?

What is the best way to say it? Face to face, over the phone, in writing?

How long does it take you to say what you have to say? Do you as soon as the thought pops into your mind say it? Or do you think long and hard and then deal with it?

Well for me... I'm apparently a tactless randomn thinker/talker. I have a habit of saying it as I see it and sometimes not at the best of times.

Slowly as I get older I become wiser and apparently the thought to mouth process has got shorter lol honestly I say oh well im sorry if I hurt your feelings but it had to be said. Lol nah I'm not that bad. Well sometimes maybe probably more with outsiders than insider's feelings I take my time and consider the options.

Like at the moment I'm between a rock and hard place emotionally. I got something major going on but really can't make a decision. I've discussed it said some of what I have to say but came out of the conversation still feeling like I haven't said anything at all.  Lol yeah it's one of those days.

I'm not gonna lie I screamed today, I shouted even louder and then I collapsed kicking and screaming like a two year old throwing a tantrum coz nobody gets it. Nobody understands the random snippets from my mind. The torrent of questions, answers and emotions trapped inside this logical matter filled cranium of mine.

I've been that quiet little butterfly floating by not trying to think about anything just busy doing my thing. In a world with so many ying and yang situations out there. I like to stay neutral, respectful,  pleasant and bubbling along to my own song.  Then today all hell broke loose I looked at myself and I saw scales claws and burning inferno of flames raging everytime I opened my mouth. All the frustration  just came out as words on flames.

Lack of communication and misunderstanding, or is it straight up laziness or selfishness from external parties? Probably all of the above! Can turn me into a fire breathing dragon on a rampage a warpath and no one is safe if they speak or breathe the wrong way. Then every tactless indescribable, I don't give a damn about you or your monkey business feelings thought comes out and the target or targets will perish.

I know as you read this your out there nodding your head and thinking yea I know that feeling. A day when everything and nothing can make you feel.... feel... like a fire breathing dragon. Well for me today was on of those days. Then a bucket of I've cold water gets thrown on me... now that I sit back in my butterfly shell trying to find a pretty flower I realise its all burned to a crisp all the easy going floating is over. Its time stop breathe and wiggle wiggle wiggle and feel that jiggle jiggle jiggle.

Lol sorry the music got me all distracted and I lost my train of thought.  Where was I?

Oh yea I was saying people sometimes bottling things up and floating around really doesn't get you anywhere. Take that time before you discombobulate to really think then speak on what's going on in your mind otherwise you will end up surveying the damage of crisp burned out relationships.

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